Why Did I Get Married?

This last Christmas I spent the holiday at my grandfather’s with my extended family and every single mealtime, guess who got stuck at the kids’ table! Me. This in spite of the fact that I am more than ten years older than my Uncle’s blushing bride and exactly the same age as my brother’s wife. Never mind the fact that I have been financially independent and basically lived on my own for more than four years. It didn’t bother me much because my grandfather is old and he’s allowed to be old fashioned. But it did get me to thinking.

If you are a young woman between the ages of 23 and 30, living in Africa, chances are you are either married or seriously thinking about it. If you are indeed married, I hope you are happy. But if you are above 25 and still single, like me, let me talk to you for a minute. You have married friends, of course you do. Possibly you have more of those than the single ones. Yes you envy them and their settled life every now and then. When you spend time with their powder-sweet, pink-cheeked babies you wish you could trade places.

But when you really think about it, when you really consider who you are and who you want to be, you know that now is probably not the time for you. You have enough trouble committing to furniture let alone an actual person forever. Or maybe you are indeed ready to settle down and you are painfully aware of the lover-shaped hole in your universe. But still you know that you are yet to meet somebody that makes you feel like you could make the forever kind of promises.

I just want to tell you that it’s okay. You don’t need a husband or children to validate your existence. These are good things and can maybe even be great things but it’s also all right not to have them. You may be thinking, I’m a strong independent woman; of course I know it’s okay. And you probably fake the okayness really well on the outside. But we both know that a lot of the time it’s just that, faking. And when you go home, you wonder whether it really is or whether your would-be life is passing you by.

I’m telling you this right now because I had the privilege of spending a bit of time away from home and familiar things recently and it gave me the opportunity and space to really reflect on who I am as an individual and what I’m about and to tell you the truth I was very surprised by what I found. For one thing I have always been the strong independent type (or so I have been told) but I was shocked when I looked back on my dating decisions in the recent past. They had begun to have the faint whiff of panic and desperation. A panic that is entirely unfounded given that I am only 27 and have hopefully lived just close to one third of my life. But still, I had allowed myself to date a few people that I should never in my right mind have given the time of day. Despite my strong independent exterior, I do not live in a vacuum and I guess the external pressure had begun to color my thinking. One can only receive so many hints and pointed sighs from one’s mother or aunts without starting to feel the pressure. One can only attend so many baby showers and bridal showers without wondering if they are going to float forever. And it’s so easy when that is all we are surrounded with to get into that mental place where we actually start to believe it. To believe that at 27 you are old and late to the marriage and settling down party.

Thankfully I took the time to really think about what I want out of life and I arrived at the same conclusion that I had all those years ago when I decided that I would always live life on my own terms. I realized that I have only recently began to understand who I am as an individual and I would never have arrived at that place if I had had another person in my life actively influencing my thoughts and choices. I realized that I would not have enjoyed this time away quite as much if I hadn’t been single. The choices, the options, the possibilities… I realized that I cherish the freedom that comes with knowing that my life can fit into two suitcases and I can be packed and ready to move anywhere in an hour. And all of these things I realize, add up to exactly who I imagined I would grow up to be (minus a few kilos of course, but we are getting there). It took taking a step back and reflecting on things to come to the realization that I am indeed single and happy and I don’t have to validate that choice to anyone. And that realization has helped me to think about what is really important to me. The relationships I actually cherish and never have enough time to cultivate, with my friends and family. All the things I could be spending my time doing instead of going on endless dates with people I know do not deserve my time. At the end of the day we all only have a finite amount of time and how we choose to spend that time is the true reflection of how much our life is worth to us.

I call bullshit! 

But I’m telling you this because I know it can’t be easy being the single friend all the time. Especially in a world where you are basically not an adult unless and until you are married or have children. I call bullshit! How many people do you know who allowed themselves to get sucked into that lie and wound up bound forever to a life they never really wanted? How many friends have you watched give up their own personal dreams and ambitions to disappear into the role of wife and mother. What about all the friction and unhappy homes that are the result of ill-conceived unions between ill suited people?

This is not to say that getting married younger is wrong or ill advised. I just want to say that it is ok to be a twenty-something, thirty-something, forty-something happy, single, woman living in Kampala. And if you do get that occasional loneliness when all your friends are off doing husband and baby things, feel free to call me because I am always up for a few drinks… As for me, if I do get married, it’s going to be because I am hopelessly in love and I cannot imagine my life without that person. And if you do get invited to my wedding you will know it’s true because the love in the air will be so palpable you will almost taste it.

Lingerie for your Body Type

Valentine’s Day is round the corner and for most women…let’s just say we get a bit selfish around this time. We expect the man to go out of his way to show us how much he loves us, and we don’t do anything in return. I could not think of a better image to portray this other than the one below.

So this Valentine’s Day, do something different – give your better half something special. One way to do this would be to get suited up … buy yourself some really amazing lingerie and work your way into his heart. However, please note that we all come in different body shapes and types so be sure to pick an outfit that is right for you. The right style can hide body flaws and body issues.

Below are a few tips to picking the right lingerie for your body type:

1.      Make sure you are highlighting your best features: Whether it is your amazing rack, sizable behind, killer legs and/or flat tummy, show off that part of your body. For example, basques and corsets are great at accentuating the bosom area whilst hiding flaws with one’s tummy.

2.      Choose the most flattering combination: Yes, most people think that the only combination is a bra and panties however there are other options on the market that could emphasize your shape by hiding your flaws but highlight your best features. For example, you could wear a baby doll with a peep hole thong.

3.      Give some thought to what you’ll be wearing with your bra, basque or corset: If you’re buying a set they’ll normally come with briefs, shorties, thong or g-string. So think about what will be the most flattering style for your shape. 

 Look smokin’ hot in the bedroom with these few tips:

STEP 1

Give yourself an A-plus: Soften a big booty with an A-line negligee that flows over your posterior.

STEP 2

Pare down a pear shape: Pare down a pear shape with a baby-doll nightgown that draws attention to your upper, slimmer half. A baby-doll nightie will also show off your legs. Pear-shaped women should avoid boy shorts, which call too much attention to your bottom.

STEP 3

Tame a tummy: Tame a tummy with a teddy or camisole made from a Lycra or spandex fabric blend, or camouflage it with an Empire-waist nightie.

STEP 4

Go girly: Add curves to a boyish figure with corset or bustier tops and push-up bras.

STEP 5

Bust out: Showcase full breasts while giving them support with V-neck nighties and halter-top teddies.

STEP 6

Wrap an apple: Wrap a thick midsection in a sexy kimono; the "X" style will highlight curves and whittle out a waist.

STEP 7

Don't forget the garter belt! Remember that garter belts and stilettos look sexy on everyone!

You can also go to How Cast for more information and tips on the perfect lingerie for your body type.

14 Days of Valentine's: DAY THREE

Love Coupons;

For day three why not give a bunch of gifts at once in the form of love coupons. I simply picked a template from Microsoft publisher that I could tweak to suit my needs and filled in coupons for movie nights, back rubs, favorite dinners, and nights out. make sure to include some naughty gifts like a strip tease or a lap dance!!!!

The point is for your partner to redeem a coupon when they need it. So after a long day at work your partner may decide to redeem a massage coupon and you instantly become a masseuse. they'll love this gift my hubby sure did.

Here is a link to a free download for printable coupons. once printed fasten them together with staples like I did or even fancier punch a couple of holes and use a ribbon to tie the coupons together.

happy couponing.
 x.o 

14 Days of Valentine's: DAY TWO

Indoor Romantic Picnic

In store for the weekend is a nice quaint and simple picnic! Get a blanket and spread it on the living room floor and arrange some throw pillows for comfort. Light a bunch of candles to give the living room a warm romantic glow. Prepare some finger foods like sandwiches, sausages and whatever comes easy for you plus a bottle of wine. 

Enjoy this one!!! Make sure to feed each other and keep the mood romantic and intimate.

Share results for day two of the 14 Days of Valentines.

x.o

14 Days of Valentine's: DAY ONE

Last year in the month of love I came across a daily devotional that was encouraging its readers to perform little romantic acts for their spouses. Unfortunately it was only 3 days left in the month. So I decided to do something special this year for my husband and why not share with you! After all sharing is caring; today the 31^st of January we’ll prepare for 1^st February and continue this way till 13^th Feb.

We’ll start off simply with a list of love: write out 20, 50 or even 100 things you love about your partner. It shouldn’t be such a difficult chore; what I did was to write out why I think he is wonderful on little post it notes and fastened them together with staples.

This is a fancier version:

OR you can type out your list print it out, draw little fancy hearts all over it and put it in a really nice frame and hand it to your husband or wife.

Good luck and do share how it was received.

look out for day two of the 14 days of Valentine's tomorrow

x.o

15 Things Women Should Know About The Vagina

No I didn't slip thats exactly what I am sharing today. As I was doing some research a couple of days ago it dawned on me how very little I and many other women know about "down there". So many women may be shy to ask questions or don't know where to look for information and important things fly right past!  So let's do some learning about our vaginas!

source

 1.What it looks like: many of us have never really taken a good look at our 'secret parts'! Yes, I know you learnt about it in Biology, but have you seen what yours looks like? Why not pick a mirror and take a good look!!! It's yours there is no need to be afraid of it :)

2.Vagina vs Urethra: women pee through through the urethra and not the vagina. Because men pee out of the penis, it's easy to assume that women pee out of the vagina too. Once you make use of that mirror mentioned above you'll see three different holes and the urehtra is different from the vagina.

3.Built in Cleaning System: the vagina is a self-cleaning organ; this means you don't need all those douching products the supermarkets are selling to you. Also do not use strong soaps as they imbalance the natural ph of the system and lead to odor and irritation.

4.Vaginal Scent: a healthy and happy vagina should not have an offensive odor. Some women don't have a scent some do, its usually a mix of natural body scent and the stuff that we eat and drink. However if it's a pungent smell, something's up and you should may be eat less spice, herbs and visit a gynocologist.

5. It enlarges when aroused: the vagina is usually 3 to 4 inches long (sounds small). When aroused it can double in size. It's very elastic as well so all is good, your well endowed partner will fit just fine!!

6.It has an end: the vagina is not an endless tunnel that ends up in your lungs or liver; it is actually bounded at the cervix. The common beleif that stuff can get lost in your vagina is so untrue..a tampon may get lodged deep inside out of reach but that can easily be removed by your doctor.

7.It’s easier to catch an STD if you have sex during your period: during your period there is a change in the balance that makes it easier for for infectious bacteria to multiply.

8.Sex shouldn't hurt: All you should feel during sex is pleasure! If there is pain down there it's NOT ok and you should see a gynecologist immediately!!

9.Pap-Smear: a pap smear only helps check for cervical cancer not cancer of the ovaries or of the uterus.

10.Orgasms are better than asprin: orgasms are like magical, they help ease head aches, burn calories, releive tension and curb cravings, basically the more you orgasm the better!

11."Revirginize"-SO FALSE: there is no such thing as revirginizing, once you lose it that's it, you can't get it back. So don't beleive these ads out there or wive's tales about caffeineted soft drinks! You can however make use of kegel exercises to tighten things up a bit.

12.You can still acquire an STD even if you use a condom: disappointing I know! However may be the habit of sleeping with random guys can stop! Infectious skin of the scrotum can transfer bacteria to the vuvla (outer genital area) when it they touch...Be careful!

13. Vaginal Discharge is normal. It should be a clear fluid..if it resembles cottage cheese or cuddled milk it could be a yeast infection. So be observant and take note of changes.

14. The Vagina Can Fall out: yes this is possible for the 3-4 inches mentioned above to fall out. This condition is called vaginal prolapse! Good News it is treatable..yay!

15. Vist a gynaecologist regularly: do not wait for wierd colors and funky smells; make regular visits to the gynae and get over shyness. What is worse a sick vee jay jay or little talk with the doctor?

That's all for now! We'll definately be updating you with more things you should know :) Stay Safe!!!!

Mr. Grey and his 50 shades

I am guessing at least half of you reading this have heard of the infamous 50 Shades trilogy. These books, especially the first one, must have been one of the highlights of 2012. I was one of those little obsessed girls that actually got all three books at once! And so I started my journey – the 50 shades journey.

I started reading the first installment from the trilogy ‘50 Shades of Grey’, and I must say I was hooked. Can’t lie. I even tweeted at E. L. James herself letting her know that my 2012 birthday wish was to get my hands on her books, and I did. Being the tech savvy lady that she is, she replied. And my lifetime could not have been made any better at this point.

If you have not read this book or do not mind getting to know about the book before you read it, go ahead. If you do mind, kindly stop reading here. Spoiler alert!

So the first installment gets me hooked because the book is about this gorgeous, young billionaire called Christian Grey that has a “thing” for a naïve, young college student called Anastasia Steele. During the first half of the book, the readers are told that Mr. Grey has a big secret. Now look here, we live in the day and age of vampires so I thought he was a vampire (rather exciting) but no, he is a kinky, handsome bastard.

The book goes on to tell us that he has a Red Room of Pain where all these psychotic and kinky things happen, and how isn’t normal. He is not like any other man. Of course, he is not like any other man. Which man makes you sign a contract with soft and hard limits (when you read the book, you shall understand); which man sends you $14,000 first edition copies of ‘Tess of the d-Ubervilles’; which man flies you in his helicopter to… and the list goes on.

One thing I would commend the author (and team behind this book) for is their marketing. Everyone has heard about this book, and its first installment has sold 5.3 million copies of both the hard copy and e-book in the UK. All 3 books have sold a total of 12 million copies. Global sales of the trilogy are estimated at over 40 million books. Of course, that has nothing on J. K. Rowling’s 450 million books sold worldwide. But look at it this way, E. L. James has sold 40 million copies of three books with basically no story. I call that genius marketing. #Winning!

I keep reading this book, and my conclusion is this book is pornography with a story. If you are looking for a great read, don’t bother with this. Read it because you want to learn something (and I wink!). Let’s just say my birthday is in September and I have only read the first book and half of the second. However, I shall be first in line to watch the movie when it comes out. Not that it matters, my pick for Christian Grey is definitely Ian Somerhalder. He is extremely handsome and already knows how to play a cocky villain – refer to the ‘Vampire Diaries’. My other nominees would be Alexander Skarsgard, Matt Bomer or Ryan Gosling. For Ana Steele, I would pick Emma Stone. She would pull off the geeky, naïve, strong headed college girl. Another contender for this role would be Shailene Woodley. Alls I know is I can’t wait.

50 Shades wall paper

The Betraying Spouse

We all talk about the cheating spouse, and in most cases, we all blame the man, or it is usually the man that is caught cheating. Various reasons are given for this: he got bored, he was always a cheat, the woman stopped understanding him, younger girls threw themselves at him, and the list could go on forever. However, have we ever stopped to think…what do we, as women, do to drive a good man away?

In today’s issue, I shall be talking about the ‘Betraying Spouse’. Let me define this for you, seeing that I have just come up with this term. The ‘Betraying Spouse’ is the spouse that stops looking after themselves after they get married. I hate to point fingers but this usually the woman.

When he first meets her, she looks like Beyonce – hell, she makes Beyonce look bad! She’s the type of woman that always has her hair and nails done, wears clean clothes and smells fresh. She’s the kind of woman that you wouldn’t let out of your sight because other men would pose a threat. Unfortunately or fortunately, you pop the question and imagine that you shall remain with this beauty queen. Ya, she might gain a little weight but at the end of the day, she’ll remain that gorgeous, well kempt, fun loving woman.

Confident, good looking woman on a date

The messy, unkempt woman

Then one or two years down the road, it starts. She starts to dress down, hardly washes her hair or even her clothes, and the worst of them all, she brings out those dreadful granny panties. She generally looks bad. She claims, it’s because she does not have enough time between the kids, work and home but you don’t believe it. You probably have a sister or friend or in-law that has maintained the status quo – she probably looks better than she did before she got married. In other words, it’s no excuse.

I, personally, think that this is a form of betrayal. You duped this man into believing that you were this person and then turned out to be someone else. The good news is there is always hope! Revival and renewal can happen, and you can change – go back to the woman he fell in love with. Start making an effort – start with the small and simple stuff: your hair and nails. Then get bigger – buy a perfume, perfumed lotion and body spray. And of course, out with the old and in with the new: GET YOURSELF BETTER UNDERWEAR!

I guess we all slip into that state of mind and it’s normal; but once the problem has been established, snap out of it and get twerk it again!